aha shake heartbreak

The long awaited new year has come to stay.
Well, for now anyway.

I did not welcome 2009 in the way I had wanted to.
There I was, standing amongst a group of intoxicated strangers (myself very heavily included),
being sprayed with champagne, counting down to a new beginning. It was a tragic way to spend a new years eve. I'm sure that if people would have seen me,carelessly emptying beer bottles into my mouth preparing to empty another, plopping down on dirty couches to talk to uninterested strangers, falling on my knees in attempt to have someone light a cigarette and pretending I had a gun during Paper Planes and shooting, missing every single target, people would surely feel sorry for this inebriated, sloppy girl.

Little did I know that when we left the fraternity, the remains of the day were to hold
nothing but headaches and vomiting....lots of vomiting. By the time we left and settled into our designated sleeping spots, I had 3 hours until I had to be awake and to work. I did not think twice of how I would feel, only of how tired I would surely be.

I went to work after sitting in the parking lot for 20 minutes, delicately sipping McDonalds orange juice while inhaling a egg McMuffin. This would be all I would eat the entire day.
Once I got into work, I joked about my night and about being completely hungover without sleep. My oldest manager (I call her grandma behind her back) did not approve of my war story.
And when I jokingly said that my life was nothing but a long series of mistakes, she found this to be sad. Because apparently she didn't see the humor in my self-deprecation.
Fast forward to my 30 minute break where I spent almost the entire 30 minutes vomiting into
the work toilet. I'm pretty sure I vomited out of my nose, which left the scent of vomit lingering with me the entire day, which in turn made me want to vomit more. So I did.
The greatest part of the day was knowing that I did absolutely nothing and got paid time and a half. That's what you get, job! You drive a girl to drink, you get what you ask for!!!!

When I came home, I slept. And slept. And slept. Woke up, drank some soda, vomited. Slept.
Slept through the entire night. And here I am. I feel alive for the first time. Today is the start. I'm going to do my best to look beyond the fact that the past week or so has been a complete disaster and that my feelings went completely unnoticed and are still waiting to be nurtured.
I have always held people in such high esteem and fallen in love with how I think people should be, so when things begin to crack they crumble and I'm the one left disappointed. Well, not any more! Things are going to be different. They aren't going to change, really. But I have the power to make things different. I want to feel alive forever.

I'm going to spend some hard earned money, focus on my art,relish in the sunshine and wait for the world to surprise me.