noise pollution

Last night was strange. Enjoyable and strange. I fell in love with a girl and people laughed at me while I danced. Musicians turning our guttural coughs into lyrical fodder. I saw the stairwell where my story began. Highway detours are frustrating. Getting four hours of sleep is fun.

I almost quit my job (or voluntarily forfeited my position.) I was taken into the backroom for a "talk." Apparently my moods fluctuate and I'm unhappy, therefore I have to change.
I felt attacked for being a emotionally unstable person, which is not something I can change
without professional intervention and/or prescribed medication. I could tell that they were disguising their concern for the store by pretending to be concerned about me. Apparently I'm not working to my potential, either. Oh! And I'm too social with my co-workers (two to be specific, both of which I was asked to "avoid" in order to remain focused.) They asked if it was about the "new changes" that the store has gone under recently (with new management and all.) As if I was going to give them the satisfaction of blaming my unhappiness on the store. When I told them my issues have nothing to do with work, they asked me to leave my personal problems at home as to remain professional. While they were talking, I could feel my face turning flush and I wanted to cry. Is it not bad enough that I reprimand myself for being who I am? My family, my work, my friends. Having everyone doubt you is not an easy thing to deal with. Needless to say, I'm not going to change any part of myself to fit emotional standards of anyone let alone a business. Even if I were willing, I can't. If I could, I'm sure I would have cleaned myself up by now. When the talk was over, I went into the fitting rooms to cry.
I then forced myself to stop crying in fear of getting written up for said crying.

I'm 12 credits from receiving my Associates degree in English. I'm also only 6 classes away from being able to transfer to a real school and start my English program. I realized this after I made the conscience choice to not go back to school next semester. It's all a bit too late.

A few co-workers (none of which I am prohibited from speaking to) applauded my virginity.
They told me the person I give it to will be the one I marry. This is not the first time I have heard this. I'm not sure what this means exactly, or if it's even true. I don't know what it means.

There's plenty of fish in the sea, they say.
And I'm going to fucking eat them all.