"I will pull your endocrine system out of your body!"

"Do you listen to Jenny Lewis?"
"Um, I'm familiar, yes."
"You look just like her! Has anyone ever told you that?"
"Actually, I've been hearing that quite a bit lately."
"Well, you totally do."
"Thank you, that is very kind of you to say."

I barely know who Jenny Lewis is, actually.
Sure, I know she was a founding member of Rilo Kiley.
And that people love her voice, blah, blah, blah.

I can't take a compliment for the life of me.
When people say things like, "You look like Jenny Lewis"
or "Do you model?" I feel like telling them to fuck off
and leave me alone. Because, honestly, I feel like they are saying
these things to upset me. And I honestly think people are out to
verbally hurt my feelings by mocking me.
I should probably look into that.

Sometimes I think I dress/act like a leather crazed, biker lesbian.
I mean, sure, I do enjoy a good old fashion bar brawl now and then.
And okay, I do love the ladies.
There are times I catch myself walking with swagger and attitude
as if to say, "Yeah. I have a dick and it's huge."
No one has ever told me, "Hey! You look like a leather crazed, biker lesbian."
But I know they're probably thinking it.
(And if that is the case, they probably think I'm getting some,
which is always a major plus)
Sometimes I don't know who I am when I wake up in the morning.

Oh, I forgot to mention the obvious.
This is my first real blog.
I have had a livejournal for 5 years or so,
but I thought I needed a place
for observations, random thoughts
and repetitive attempts at humor.
I will update this daily. And I want people to read it.
(I initially wanted to make a blog about super
crazy, offensive, celebrity gossip that would be COMPLETELY
false only to gain readers and in turn advertisements
which would get me money to buy a Macbook pro)

Having said that, I heard Angelina Jolie had an orgy with the Jonas
Brothers and you'll never guess who taped the whole thing...