"She said she couldn't stand people

who gave up trying"

You know something in your life needs to change
when you wake up to, "Hey! You might have an STD!"
So, so awesome. I'm fine, though. Nothing to worry about.
It's just really, super funny.
A virgin with an STD?
Comedic gold.

Surprisingly, that's a whole lot less funny than the happenings of the past two days, believe it or not! Close your eyes...are they closed? CLOSE 'EM, DAMMIT! Okay. Now, imagine fighting for the love of someone you could see yourself potentially being with somewhere down the line. Got it? Good. Okay. Now, imagine you make countless attempts to explain your true intentions only to have them ignored by a fucking defeatist attitude. Once you've got that, imagine hearing the same lines over and over. For example; "I'm a bad person. I'd ruin your life. I was trying to protect you." Now, pretend you cut it off because you can't handle all that bullshit small talk. Then imagine being deleted out of that someones life, causing you to delete them from yours. Now, stick your hand down your throat and yank out that dreadful and persistent heart of yours and set it on fire. That's right, fire! Feels good, doesn't it? Finally, try to imagine the one that got away. It's the same person, isn't it? Open your eyes. Hey, hey! Don't cry! It's funny, see? Laugh! Love is a joke; the funniest joke.

The remaining days of this week and the days that spill into the next will be spent primarily looking for new employment. This, so I assume, should be a major check mark in the "fail" column of my life chart. I assume the same result will be true of the diet (which consists of eliminating the entire food pyramid and then some) I plan on starting tomorrow.

I looked up "rut" in the dictionary:

1: an annually recurrent state of sexual excitement in the male deer
2: a track worn by a wheel or by habitual passage
3: a usual or fixed practice

All of those are suitable definitions of the state I am currently in. No need to worry, though. I'll dig myself out of this somehow. All I need is a shovel or two and perhaps a miracle...whatever that is.